Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
