How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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