Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
