You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize