lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize