I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
4 words: hood of his car
P.S. I can't hear my feet
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
