theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
