I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
