If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
