She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
