I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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