pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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