did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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