dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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