things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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