dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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