If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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