We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
So many bounce houses so little time
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
