I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize