Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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