Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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