just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
