My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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