Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
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