My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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