I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Bring me that man meat
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
