The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I did not marry a roomba.
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