I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
