I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He felt like a one man threesome
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
