I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
