Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
