i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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