The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize