I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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