weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize