I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
