i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
