At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Can I color on your dick again?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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