I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
