We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
