are you so shy because you have an std?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
