I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
