He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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