In the future we'll all be gay
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
