Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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