he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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