i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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