I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
