im drinking this country out of the recession.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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