9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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