I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
