Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
