so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Randomize
