i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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