He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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