hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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