There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
