Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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