every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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