And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
