Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
