Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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